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People of the forum, please give me constructive advice on my situation?

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I am still single who has never had a proper partner nor been in a relationship. I do get occasional hugs from female friends and colleagues that like me as an individual as I am so funny and relaxed. introverted yes, but I am not a total outcast, if I do know someone, I greet them and I do introduce and make effort to spark conversation with people regardless of their backgrounds.


I do have many acquaintances and a few friends. I am often the odd one out in gym class when we all pair up and workout in pairs, also for the vast majority of my life when I go out walking it is alone.


It seems like most people just view me as acquaintance material. I have taken two females out for coffee in the past two years however the first one I found out she were too young for me. Although she just viewed me as a friend as she told me about a guy she had a huge crush on. She's now with him.


The second one was not really interested in me after I messaged her. I made a few efforts to take her out to see a show she wanted to see locally however she did not seem interested and moved on as she's seeing my gym instructor/friend.


I am into my sports and spend a lot of time of my single life when not working, playing & watching sports. I know that majority of people I know as acquaintances have a positive opinion of me and seem to like me however nobody wants to get to know me on a more personal level or as a potential partner.


No females have displayed clear signs of interest in me. A lot of my other friends though have told me that females have displayed interest in them. I have also tried a dating site called plenty of fish before now and the Tinder app/site when I used to be on Facebook, and have not received a single like/swipe. I never ever got a reply back from a couple of messages received saying "Hi". Could my looks have something to do with this as well? However, I am tentative of using sites like tinder and plenty of fish. Would it be better to be offline in my pursuit rather than online?

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Posted (edited)

If it seems to be good to be true, it probably is.  Keep that in mind during your quest. 

Do not waste your time on people who do not reciprocate in kind.

Edited by JacksonsGhost
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Posted (edited)
On 8/25/2019 at 9:24 AM, QuodHumana said:

Dating sites are a wonderful way to connect for love

 

I've done extensive research on online dating.  As a man, you will be screaming into the wind lost in the tsunami of messages a typical woman receives.  Expect to be ignored, but do not take it personally.  It is what it is.  Women have their own unique set of issues though as in the exact inverse of what a man experiences.

Beware the free dinners on you online dating scam.  Online dating has enabled women to be able to line up free dinner dates quite easily.  A UK friend of mine took a woman to coffee then was expected to take her to a much more tony place in addition to the Royal Ballet.  I also know local women who do this on purpose.  A woman has the problem of being pestered to death while online.  Malevolent male organ pic senders abound for them.  Online dating is the ultimate shit show.

Get out in the real world and do not be desperate as it makes you a mark for predators.

You are worth far more than you think you are.

Edited by JacksonsGhost
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On 8/24/2019 at 9:40 PM, endoftheworld said:

I am into my sports and spend a lot of time of my single life when not working, playing & watching sports.

 

lets use a sports analogy...

 

Sports people train really hard to reach peak fitness and also to hone their skills to the point where they develop an unconscious ability to achieve their task. Beginners who have to think hard how to do the task aren't as good because the conscious mind is not as quick and is too easily distracted to lose focus

 

But it doesn't matter how fit a sports person is or how practised they are if they lose that mental balance. If on the day they 'choke' then it all falls apart

 

Flyod Mayweather has spoken about this. He says that there are lots of young upcoming boxers who will get in the sparring ring with him and do well and think they are hot shit but he asks ''how would they perform under the bright lights of a big arena with the whole world watching?''

 

Under those conditions the ring is the same and the opponent is the same but the pressure is different. So how do you handle the pressure? That's the real key to success in sport isn't it?

 

The psychology part is the real magic and this is why sports people now use sports psychologists and why they 'visualise' before they even enter their arena

 

If you go into the arena worrying to much about the outcome or are too scared of losing then the chances are that you bring your mind out of that unconscious place and into the conscious state where things don't flow as well

 

This means that to achieve success you must achieve a strange balance of on one hand knowing on a conscious level that success is very important to you while on another level somehow not caring about the outcome so that you don't choke

 

How can you care while not caring?

 

It's like that old saying about the spiritual path: 'the bird of enlightenment doesn't land on the hand that grasps'

 

How can you want something whilst not grasping for it? If you are too desperate and grasping a woman may not be interested and you may not be able to be your more natural self and therefore a woman may be put off before she can properly get to know you.

 

In essence you have to stop caring about the outcome in order to actually achieve the outcome you want. One way to achieve this is to make peace with failure. You can do this by perceiving failure in a more philosophical way. This makes you invincible because a person who is not crushed by failure cannot be crushed.

 

If you perceive failure as all part of the journey and as a learning experience on the path to success then you stop grasping at success because you know success will arrive at some point but in the meantime you are on a journey and that journey you have come to accept will involve a lot of failure. You don't know how much failure so you don't know when success will appear and therefore you relax into the journey but because you relax into the journey you become more likely to achieve success and you achieve success much more quickly!

 

So stop expecting success to arrive around the next corner and this then takes off the pressure. Instead relax into the journey and anticipate failure but see the failure as part of a learning journey. By not caring you will achieve success faster.

 

If you care too much you will undo yourself so care but don't care and then hold that balance and you may just find that a bird alights on your hand

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, It'sallbs said:

hahahahah

 

You mean he was the "friend" they used and they just unloaded on him 24/7 and moaned to him about their husbands or boyfriends.

 

Name one thing as friends they did for him.

 

You can't can you because they didnt.

 

 

 

As you asked...

 

They often go on walks together. One of his friends has a dog as he enjoys dog sitting. They've been for meals together and talk about what bothers them. All quite easy as friends and nothing more. He has helped one of them with practical things around the house. The other has been a sort of unpaid counsellor.

So... those are more that one thing they did for him.

 

You seem remarkably negative. What's your problem then?

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3 hours ago, It'sallbs said:

hahahaha

 

Don't listen to this horseshit brothers.

 

The reality of this world is stark but reality nonetheless.


 

 

 

You really do have a number of problems don't you. We can all see your seven deeply negative posts above. Maybe you've just come home from the pub after rather too many port and lemons. Or just been dumped by your significant other. Either way, your vibes are not contributing in a positive way to this thread. Go away - only in MUCH stronger terms.

 

Janet

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2 hours ago, It'sallbs said:

hahahha

 

so I was right then.

 

She off loads on to him-he's her emotional tampon-she doesn't give a shit about him-he's just an orbiter being used.

 

You told me whathe has done for her as a friend.

 

What has she done for him-oh yes nothing.

 

Please contribute something constrictive to this thread 

 

There, I said it, and I feel so much better. 😂

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Dating sites are a wonderful way to connect for love. However, you have to be patient, and you absolutely have to put photo's on your profile. Also, just be yourself. If you feel you are a good person, and you don't harm anyone, then you will be ok. Ladies will pick up on that. Confidence is also huge. 

 

All the best.

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A friend of mine, Peter,  never had a girlfriend or any kind of sexual relationship. He went for counselling to try and find out what was going on in his head that seemed to put women off. He was an only child. His father died before he was born. His mother seemed to be over-protective and as a teenager didn't understand why he would need a girlfriend!  All this came out years later during his counselling sessions.

 

In his words "counselling didn't pull the rabbit out of the hat", but it helped him understand his position.

 

He tried various dating sites, but only a couple of long-term friends resulted from that. However, while working in a political action group he seems to have found love. In his late 50s! It's mutual and although got off to a bumpy start they both seem very happy.

 

The point is, don't ever give up. Maybe join groups where there are women who share your interest. Pete seemed to exude a negative this-won't-come-to-anything vibe which probably put women off. Don't do that! Try and be positive despite what you may have experienced already.

 

I hope the good people on this site can also give you suggestions and support.

 

Kind regards,

 

Janet

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Well see, I have given up on love. I have had relationships and they all end badly. So badly I felt like hypnotherapy to forget them which I never went through with.

For me love is fleeting. I don't feel the need to belong. I don't like seeing couples where the female is a complete bitch bad mouthing people on the bus knowing their male will "protect them".

Ultimately are you easily sensitive to others thoughts about you when they just glance and don't dig deeper?

I'm not saying love is impossible. It just isn't on my agenda or radar at the minute. 

It is however complete bollocks that "Better to have loved and have lost".

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Thanks for all the input on here everyone, really much appreciated. I do like to enjoy my best life and I have a few social events lined up in the next month. Starting this weekend, I'll be enjoying a night out at a local club. Next weekend, out with a few colleagues on a work's night out. It's nice also I know a female or two that thinks I'm, and calls me, the 'Legend'.

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I have to be pragmatic about this, just bypass them altogether, eliminating all the misery and personal suffering they have to offer, it's not a level playing field, events over the last 50+ have  taught us this.  

Being single will preserve your health, wealth, and happiness, but only if you take into consideration the dangers and damages that can be done to you and the slavery that awaits you.

Pragmatic solution? Look at the odds that run against you in finding some figment of your imagination that doesn't really exist. 

This world is not kind or fair to the male gender, we're just disposable napkins, rinse and repeat. 

Consider yourself lucky, you're a break in the chain of tyranny with more freedoms and liberties than any tied down, bundled up, MAN! 

You're looking at it all wrong, in a time in history that everything is all wrong, therefore right seem wrong and wrong seems right with everything twisted against us! 

Modern culture has made love a community affair, there's no exclusivity on pair bonding like past generations prior to the cultural shift. In other words, it's an orgy... 

 

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10 hours ago, It'sallbs said:

The only advice on this thread you should listen to is that provided  by ,myself and Jackson's Ghost.

  

 

 "calls me, the 'Legend'."

  

 So you must be doing much for them -what do you get in return? Or are they just using you as an emotional tampon, or to buy them drinks or help them out with things.

 

Thanks for this. To be honest I do not get anything at all in return from them except a lovely smile, they are not the type to want anything purchased on them such as drinks and do not require help on anything at all. Like I say just a lovely wide smile at me from at least 1 that called me a legend again earlier today in my earshot!

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On 8/25/2019 at 2:24 PM, QuodHumana said:

Dating sites are a wonderful way to connect for love. However, you have to be patient, and you absolutely have to put photo's on your profile. Also, just be yourself. If you feel you are a good person, and you don't harm anyone, then you will be ok. Ladies will pick up on that. Confidence is also huge. 

 

All the best.

1 lady has picked up on it as my confidence is also huge at minute. She keeps on saying "he's a legend" about me meaning I am great person and full of respect.

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On 8/28/2019 at 10:14 PM, JacksonsGhost said:

Do not waste your time on people who do not reciprocate in kind.

JacksonsGhost: just need to say thanks for this. I have took this action and moved on. Infact, I need to confirm that I have been lightly flirting away but keeping it cool with a new one. Not saying a word to anyone. I'll see how it goes nice and steady.

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Be yourself, not what you think you should be, not what you think others think you should be, just be your natural self. If you can, get a dog, walking the mutt will provide an excellent opportunity to get talking to female dog walkers. 

Nothing wrong with dating sites, it's one way of meeting people you wouldn't normally bump into, forget any stigma, that's bollocks. 

Be relaxed, be happy, be what you want to be. 

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Stop trying to be everyones friend.

 

Try an experiment with POF.

 

Make one account talking about feelings and being kind and how you need to help save the planet.

 

Then make another account which makes you sound like a confident and somewhat out of their league kind of guy 

 

Also dont search for eye contact all the time its creepy 

 

I will bet you a tenner you get more replies to the second one 

 

But saying that what the hell do I know ?

 

Before I met my wife I used to just ignore most women because I didnt want to stick around the area I was born in 

Edited by MrA

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Constructive advice

 

Dont try and date anybody at work because they are perhaps under pressure to.perform their.work

 

And if they dont seem to.feel.under.any pressure.at all they might either be a complete sociopath or a bit lazy in the head 

 

Also consider.lowering.your standards one or two nights a week 

 

Alcohol helps with that but then again not everyone does well in a crowd so perhaps go and see some bands.or comedy acts

 

get used to being around larger groups of people who dont know each other if thats a problem for you

 

because she is going to want to enjoy being with you while you are out together  seeing the world 

 

Also did I mention going to therapy groups ? Lol only joking ( Fight Club ) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by MrA

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EoTW ... enjoy single life to the full.

 

change your lifestyle ... fecking impossible Married with 4 children, mortgage, bills, cars, school, work ......

 

you have loads of spare time to do anything whenever you want.

 

get fit, eat healthy, pick up a chick-a-dee on tinder.

 

or travel to places around the planet using the spare cash you have because if you get married ITS ALL GONE, ALL OF IT.

 

mark my words fella... you just wanna get laid and the best way is to change yourself

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1 hour ago, zArk said:

you have loads of spare time to do anything whenever you want.

 

Thanks for this. I do have spare time indeed to do anything and everything I want to do.

1 hour ago, zArk said:

change your lifestyle ... fecking impossible Married with 4 children, mortgage, bills, cars, school, work ......

 

My lifestyle seems great, no mortgage as mortgage free, very little and few bills, own my own home though.

1 hour ago, zArk said:

get fit, eat healthy, pick up a chick-a-dee on tinder.

 

I spend a lot of the spare time as per above. I go to the gym. Eat well. I do my 9-5 shift.

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4 hours ago, endoftheworld said:

Thanks for this. I do have spare time indeed to do anything and everything I want to do.

My lifestyle seems great, no mortgage as mortgage free, very little and few bills, own my own home though.

I spend a lot of the spare time as per above. I go to the gym. Eat well. I do my 9-5 shift.

 

 

to quote al bundy

Retirement is when a woman marries, and a Man dies

Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, but you never get anything back

I've lived and I've loved... later on I even married

What was I thinking when I said 'I do'? I'd already had sex with her, so I didn't need that again

 

 

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I think it's important to have experience love with a good woman.... I've been lucky in my life with women.....I've managed to have some lovely relationships with nice women.....but now my life seems to have changed to something else and my priorities are totally different. I'm now dedicated to my writing and developing and strengthening my relationship with God...... I met up with a few women recently a few times with the option to go on dates and start relationships, but almost immediately I see the red flags and see how the traits of that person that will become a torture to me...... and I've become so fond of my own company and realise that most people just don't have all that much depth to them..... and are kind of boring after a couple of minutes.... I dunno.... Love is something for the young, when you get older you learn to become self-sufficient and find meaning in your own achievements and experiences...

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I think you could be a good father spoon 

 

I mean that with sincerity 

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3 hours ago, MrA said:

I think you could be a good father spoon 

 

I mean that with sincerity 

 

😇

Preacher-3.jpg

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