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"The Earth is flat" / "Rockets cannot propel in space" / "nukes are fake" / "Nibiru is coming - there it is"

 

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The US President visits the UK ,, 

 

and is greeted by HRH ,, and they look so happy ,,

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They had a slap up dinner at Buckingham Palace ,, where the wine cost £3000 a bottle ,,

 

And here they look a bit happier ,, 

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Apparently there were protests in London!

 

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Then ,, the next day at a press conference he asked the Prime Minister which ones were the trouble makers ,,

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You know that Jacob Rothschild?

 

If I was Jacob Rothschild I’d be richer than Jacob Rothschild.

 

I’d do some window-cleaning on the side.

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How do you confuse an Irishman, put four shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick

 

 

An Englishman walks into a doctors surgery and said I wish to become Irish, the doctor says that's not possible unless you have a quarter of your brain removed. The fellow says go ahead,after the anesthetic dissipates and the fellow wakes up the first thing he sees is the surgeon with a very worried look on his face. He informs the patient that there were some unforeseen problems and we had to remove 55% of your brain, the fellow looks up at the surgeon and says "No worries mate"

 

A fellow from the USA was in a pub in Australia and after a few, started bragging about how big the USA is, he said that America is so big it takes 4 days to travel from coast to coast by train, an Australian walks up to him half pissed and says mate,I know how you feel, we have fucking slow trains in this country as well 

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      One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the
  bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell,
 
kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
 
 
     'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny.
 
    'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.
 
 
  'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake.
 
'To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you up,
 
but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming..
 
By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

    'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny..
'I'm blind, and I've never seen myself..
 
Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

  So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said,
 
'Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears,
 
and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose.
 
You must be a bunny rabbit!'
 
 
   The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough.
 
But by the way, what kind of animal are you?'

   The snake replied that he didn't know either,
and the bunny agreed to examine him,
 
and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked,
 
'Well, what kind of an animal am I?'
 
 
    The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,
 
 
   'You're cold, you're slippery, and you have no balls...
 
You must be a
 
 
POLITICIAN'
 
 
 
 
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how do you know when a politician is lying  

His mouth is open

 

What dose a lawyer and a cat fish have in common

They a re both scum sucking bottom feeders

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In the UK, it's been a wet June for some ,,

 

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Posted (edited)

In the African desert at the time of the second world war a bomber crash lands in among the sand dunes,and to some divine good fortune the crew is shaken up a bit but not injured, the pilot, co-pilot, navigator and the bombardier scramble from the plain and start their march to a friendly country and safety.

After about 3 days of hard going they are at the end of their tether, no supplies left and very little water . The pilot calls a meeting, men we are nearly at the end of the line,if we don't find some transport soon we are finished, I would like to say it has been a privilege serving with you . With that the men continue on their way  and within fifteen minutes one spots a camel, look men the navigator said ,we are saved.

The pilot gets on the neck ,the co-pilot sits on the first hump ,the navigator sits on the second hump and the bombardier sits on the rear.  After about half an hour the men's hopes are dashed as the camel falls over stone dead, the pilot lines the men up and tells them to stay there while he checks the camel out. He is walking around and around the camel rubbing his chin occasionally mumbling to him self ,he stops and marches over to where the men are standing at ease. Right men, this camel looks like it's been fucked,at which point the bombardier snaps to attention ,salutes and said ,I'm sorry sir but it was the only way I could hang on

 

What's a wog

A wump of wood

Edited by peter

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